Tag Archives: runs with scissors

Habitat for Profanity

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November …

It is that time again.  You know the one I am talking about … cults of insanity.  No, I am not going to even attempt to do NaNoWriNo after my eight word masterpiece (otherwise known as The November 2009 Epic Fail) but I really need to get back into the groove of writing/blogging every day. When all else fails, there is always another freaking meme going around.  This time it is a 30-day challenge that has been going around on all the kewl fuckers blogs.  While I am usually not a follower, I am wearing my T-shirt for the next 30 days.  Hopefully, this will not be bloggercide.

Here goes nothing something.   The topic for day 1  is something you hate about yourself.  Who did this?  Really?  Why can’t we start off with something easy like What did you do on summer vacation? Boo. Hiss.  And Other Expletives.  Eureka!  That’s it!  Believe it or not, I hate my casual and frequent use of profanity.  It has been a lifelong struggle.  Sybil smacked me in the mouth and washed it out with Lava soap more times than I can count.  Like Hemingway said of his efforts in The Sun Also Rises, I have tried to reduce profanity, but I have to admit that I like its cathartic effect.  I believe that honesty is always the best policy, and there are times that I aim to be abusive, blasphemous, and expressive.  Simply put, profanity provides relief.  I Read Banned Books is my outlet, sanctuary, and habitat for profanity … it always has been and always will be.  Yes, I know I do not need to use profanity but there are times when I want to use it.  Show some respect for my use of expletives, and remember that not only am I going to hell but I will be driving the bus.

Please note the absence of profanity in this post.  Well, butter my buns and call me Biscuit!

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Straight But Not Narrow

Yes, I am an ally.  Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Someday the open-minded will let love rule the world.  Support love.

I have been a Lenny Kravitz fan from the moment I heard this song, and I have always associated it with supporting equality.  Coincidentally, this song is always his answer when asked, “If God asked you to play a song for him, what one would it be?”

What a concept.

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I Tumble For You

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more Psycho Hose Beast on you, I open a Tumblr account.

If you do the Tumblr thing, follow me there too (unless you want me to go voodoo).  I’ll mostly cross-post the posts I make here, but there will be some things you can only find there.

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Torn Between Two Lovers … Feeling Like a Geekdorknerd

Oh, you probably don’t know who I am referring to in the title.  Let me bring you up to speed.

In my last post, I proclaimed that I was going to dust off the treadmill and start running.  Baby steps have to be taken because I have never been a runner in the truest sense of the word.  However, I do love the idea of being a runner.  I am also obsessed with my laptop and the internet lately.  I know I need to disconnect once in a while, but it is so hard during the summer when I am tired and bored.  It’s not only my stress reliever but also my primary source of entertainment.

After speaking with a consultant on Thursday, I decided to marry my two lovers rather than making excuses.  Oh, yes, I am totally going to love my new relationship with T-Pain and Sweetmeat.  (Yes, I chose T-Pain because beauty is painful.  Sweetmeat has always been my laptop’s name even though I never declared it here on the blog.)

Just for my girl, Citizen Janey,  I am going to consummate this new relationship by watching Mad Men Seasons 1-3 on my new SurfShelf.

Workout.  Have fun.  Get things done. Email.  Chat.  Tweet.  Plurk.  Blog.  YouTube.  Dance.  Hulu.  Facebook.  Netflix.  Surf until the weight is gone.  Whatever it takes.

It’s only a matter of time before I have people standing up and saluting my ass.

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Run, CV, Run

Running endangers lives.

The only time you will catch me running is if something is chasing me.

Yeah, yeah.  I have said both of those repeatedly in the past.   However, I have a treadmill that is collecting dust sitting right in front of me, a fortieth birthday in six months and 13 days, and a love of wine and food.  Yes, I am joining another cult of insanity.   Everyone keeps telling me that running is a mental sport.  Well, that’s just perfect because we all know that I am insane.

Holy Fuck-a-moly!  I just stated that I am going to be a runner.  The perfectionist in me says, “Now you have to do it, or you will be a failure.”  The Psycho Hose Beast in me chimes in, “It’s cheaper than therapy.”

Now that I have the courage to start I need your help with naming my treadmill.  You know that I name all of my electronics.  I think the reason I haven’t been able to begin my running journey is I haven’t named the belted machine.  Your vote may help to decide what my arch nemesis will be forever known as on I Read Banned Books.

  1. C. O. L. B. E. R. T.
  2. Jillian
  3. Salmon
  4. T-Pain
  5. Dreadmill
  6. Jack
  7. MotiVader
  8. Miley
  9. Pre
  10. Jesse
  11. Wilma
  12. Gumption
  13. Other: ____________________

What are you waiting for? Rock the Vote, People.

Who knows?  Maybe I will become one of those freaks with an I Big Read Puffy Heart Running sticker on Ruby’s bumper.

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