Tag Archives: thursday thirteen

Channeling Hemingway

In The Moveable Feast Ernest Hemingway said, “All you have to do is write one true sentence.  Write the truest sentence you know.” Well, lately that has been easier said than done on this here blog o’ mine.  Higher Ground High School has been a daily source of entertainment and potential blog fodder, but some of the most bizarre things that have been uttered in my office need individual posts and explanations of their own.  With that said, I cannot resist but list some of them here for you in complete random and out of context order just the way you (and by you, I mean I) like them.

  • His street name is Burnt Toast … because he’s really dark-skinned.
  • I didn’t beat his ass for realz; it was a friendly fade.
  • He hit his head on the big dude’s fist.
  • No, the floor was wet, and I slipped and hit my head on the labatory.   (Me:  The lavatory?)  Yeah, the zink.
  • All white people are not Mormons; some of them are devil worshipers.
  • You got some ashy ass lips … Where yo chapstick?
  • All I said to the teacher was “Damn.  We got another 20 minutes of this shit.”
  • (On a discipline referral which I later had to read aloud and explain to a parent) H****** referred to the other student as “Douche Bo Baggins.”
  • (singing) I like to move it, move it.
  • I can’t describe what she is wearing today because it is definitely something you have to see for yourself.
  • Gurl, you need to take yo bebe to the doctor; something is wrong with her eyes.
  • I  drank a forty for breakfast.
  • You ain’t no gangsta; I’ll show you gangsta just as soon as yo ass is in my car.

When I look back at these one true sentences, I recall another great Hemingway sentence:  “The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear.” Won’t I be a lucky girl someday if this much is true? 

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Run, CV, Run

Running endangers lives.

The only time you will catch me running is if something is chasing me.

Yeah, yeah.  I have said both of those repeatedly in the past.   However, I have a treadmill that is collecting dust sitting right in front of me, a fortieth birthday in six months and 13 days, and a love of wine and food.  Yes, I am joining another cult of insanity.   Everyone keeps telling me that running is a mental sport.  Well, that’s just perfect because we all know that I am insane.

Holy Fuck-a-moly!  I just stated that I am going to be a runner.  The perfectionist in me says, “Now you have to do it, or you will be a failure.”  The Psycho Hose Beast in me chimes in, “It’s cheaper than therapy.”

Now that I have the courage to start I need your help with naming my treadmill.  You know that I name all of my electronics.  I think the reason I haven’t been able to begin my running journey is I haven’t named the belted machine.  Your vote may help to decide what my arch nemesis will be forever known as on I Read Banned Books.

  1. C. O. L. B. E. R. T.
  2. Jillian
  3. Salmon
  4. T-Pain
  5. Dreadmill
  6. Jack
  7. MotiVader
  8. Miley
  9. Pre
  10. Jesse
  11. Wilma
  12. Gumption
  13. Other: ____________________

What are you waiting for? Rock the Vote, People.

Who knows?  Maybe I will become one of those freaks with an I Big Read Puffy Heart Running sticker on Ruby’s bumper.

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Extraordinary

image credit

My high school English teacher passed away this week. She made a huge impact on my life and deeply influenced my decision to become an educator.   Coincidentally, the movie Dead Poets Society was released three short weeks after I graduated from high school in 1989.  It has always reminded me of the kind of educator she was and the one I strive to be day in and out … extraordinary.  Her passing and my impending transfer to high school reminded me that I do make a difference in the lives of others.  With that said and felt deep within, I am reminded of all the powerful words that echo throughout DPS.   Here are thirteen reminders for us all.

1.  “No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

2.  “Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day … make your lives extraordinary.”

3.  “The powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?”

4.  “Sucking the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.”

5.  “There’s a time for daring and there’s a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.”

6.  “I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.”

7.  “We’re not laughing at you – we’re laughing near you.”

8.  “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

9.  “I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.”

10.  “Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, ‘Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.’ Don’t be resigned to that. Break out!”

11. “I SOUND MY BARBARIC YAWP OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF THE WORLD.”

12.  “This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls.”

13.  “Now, don’t just walk off the edge like lemmings! Look around you!”

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Confessions of a Fragmented Blogger

Bless me, readers, for I have sinned.  Your resident Psycho Hose Beast hasn’t been able to finish what she starts.  There are 52 drafts in my dashboard as I type this post.  In honor of Thursday 13 and my inability to connect words to sentences to paragraphs, I share thirteen titled yet unfinished blog posts you may read someday.

  1. Burnt Offerings
  2. Minion Wanted.  Apply Within.
  3. Catch My Fade
  4. Ignore Me at Your Own Risk
  5. Crap.  Crap, I Say.
  6. If You Don’t Know Me by Now
  7. Just Say No
  8. Just a Small Town Girl
  9. All Mixed Up
  10. Menace to Society
  11. Zelda Comes Alive
  12. Practice Makes Permanent
  13. Who’s the Freak Now?

If you are like me and judge a blog post by its title, which one are you looking forward to reading most?  Why?

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The Results Are In

Your one and only facking fubulous Psycho Hose Beast has been voted (by herself because that is how she rolls) most likely to

  • root for the underdog
  • look for a good excuse to be bad
  • open a bottle of La Crema Pinot Noir
  • choose the road less traveled
  • wannabe the change
  • open fire at work
  • snooze the alarm at least three times every weekday morning
  • flip you off under her desk
  • notice that you’re not noticing me
  • correct your grammar
  • procrastinate … tomorrow
  • read banned books
  • be worshiped for her superior intellect and sarcastic attitude
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Recognizing the Signs

I have been doing a little research during what I think may be a physical and mental breakdown and have come to the conclusion that I have a workplace bully.  This person:

  1. has a Jekyll & Hyde nature – vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature – only the current target sees both sides
  2. is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
  3. uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy
  4. relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a “normal” human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib
  5. displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity
  6. excels at deception
  7. exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behavior; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well)
  8. exhibits much controlling behavior and is a control freak
  9. displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others
  10. when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
  11. often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen
  12. has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness)
  13. when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counter-attacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly feigns victimhood, often by bursting into tears (the purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus evade accountability by manipulating others through the use of guilt)
  14. is also … aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn’t listen, can’t sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humorless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills

May I never have someone come to this conclusion about me.

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Saintsational

1.  I pledge allegiance to The Saints, and to the great city of New Orleans; and to The Super Bowl, for which we will win; One city, below sea level, under God; with Mardi Gras & alcohol for all!

2.  Notice to my boss:  If the Saints win, I’m not coming in on Monday.

3.  Bobby Hebert does the stanky leg.

4.  What It Means to be a Saints Fan

5.  Who Dat?!:  Songs for the New Orleans Saints

6.  A Saintly Conversation

7.  Dear Miami

8.  Who dat say we can’t print dat?

9.  Saints inspire cancer survivor

10.  Follow the New Orleans Saints on Twitter!

11.  Who Dat origins

12.  Get to know Gumbo the Dog

13.  Support a Saints Foundation.

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